Hasta La Vista...babies

The time that I have been dreading is here...I am sending them to their babysitter full time starting Monday. She said it takes two weeks for kids to fully adjust and I want them completely adjusted BEFORE school starts. Plus, they will be going down to one nap a day, which will definitely take some getting used to.

I have MAJOR guilt when it comes to leaving them. For instance, week before last I had an oncologist appointment at 1:30. There was no way I was taking them to Texas Oncology with me! For one, my doctor always runs behind (but I love him), and another thing...I am the youngest patient there (when I go) easily by 30+ years. It just isn't a good idea to bring them and have to chase after them around a bunch of (mostly) sick older people. So I dropped them off at the sitter that morning (due to her nap and lunch schedule). I came back home and felt super guilty that I was sitting around with nothing to do while they were with someone else. Oh yeah, and I called Kyle crying when I dropped them off telling him what a bad mom I was for leaving them. So I went and ran errands for school, buying a bunch of stuff I didn't need that I later returned. :)

Because of this guilt, I am going up to school next week to get my classroom in order. I am UBER stressed about this upcoming year for many reasons. One, I have no clue how to teach GT kids. Two, I have never taught fifth grade and I am teaching EVERY subject. Three, I have three tested subjects. Four, Kyle goes out of town for work at least once a month. Five...I'm leaving my babies. I know they are in good hands, and I think they are a perfect fit with their sitter. I know she loves them and they will have a good time and learn. Even though there have been MANY days this past 15 (almost) months when I didn't know if I could survive the day, I would not trade one second of it to be at work. Did I miss my friends? Yes. Did I miss the students? Not very often. :) Even though it is tearing me up inside, I have to go back to work for several reasons. One being that the twins need interaction with other kids. Even if I was able to stay home another year, I would still send them to a church or something two days a week. It helps them to develop socially and learn stuff. I teach 11 year olds, I don't know how to teach toddlers! :)

I am forever grateful to Kyle, who allowed me to stay home this year. I got to witness every single milestone for both babies...not many people can say the same thing. He has worked his tail off over the years and has wonderful job security at his company. Last July he started the biggest project his office has ever done. They are designing (and won the construction bid too) the new College of Engineering building at UT in Austin, and he is one of the project managers. This is a big moment in his architectural career, and even though it has caused him to start traveling more for work (and will be for several years), he is still an amazing dad and husband when he gets home and doesn't get much of a break. I know he reads this, so I am going to say I love you very much, Kyle, and thank you for letting me have this year with our twins. I hope I've done a good job and that you know I have not taken one single moment for granted!

So there might not be a ton of posts in the coming weeks, as I will be busy and stressed, but I'll try my best!