I believe that every thing happens for a reason, and at the right time. Kyle and I started looking for a surrogate in January of 2009, in hopes that the baby would be born March of 2010. Okay, let's be real here, it was ME who wanted the baby to be born in March. See, I have some control issues, which is odd for someone who has been through what I have been through, when you have no control over anything! After my cancer, my control issues became worse. The only way I can justify why in my mind is that maybe since I had zero control over the cancer and when I got it, maybe my brain then wanted to control every little thing about my life that it could, like it was hanging on for dear life or something. Most people who go through a life threatening illness, become MORE laid back afterwards, and "throw caution to the wind!" Not me.
In my weird, little mind I didn't want my baby to be born in May, June, or July. I didn't want it/them to be the youngest in their class...they would get their driver's license last, turn 21 last, and most teachers will tell you they can tell students who have birthdays late in the year, they are a little more immature than the others. Yes, you can say it, I am totally ridiculous! I also wanted to be able to take the rest of the school year off, so that I would have the summer as well and wouldn't have to send a 3 month old to day care. I know...still being ridiculous. :)
I was so upset when the window of time to find a surrogate passed. I was pretty worried we weren't going to find anyone. Then, my world stopped when my mom told me she had gone back to get a sonogram after her mammogram, and they told her they were almost 100% sure that the mass she had was cancerous. Um...I'm sorry, WHAT?!? My mom has breast cancer? I think I took her diagnosis harder than I took my own. I was a basket case, had to leave work, etc. Your parents are supposed to always be there, even though you know deep down they won't, but the thought of something bad happening to my mom was too much for me to handle. Oddly enough, our tumors were very similar, only hers was much bigger. I knew that I had been able to handle chemo and radiation, but to know that my mom would have to go through it as well was very hard. I didn't want to see her in pain. Everything seemed to be going wrong in my life. What the heck? Hadn't I been through enough?
But then Sarah called me and offered to be my surrogate. Things were looking up!
Like I said earlier, everything happens for a reason. I was so glad that I went through cancer first. It made it easier and not so scary for my mom. She knew what they were talking about when they spoke of lymphnodes, hormone receptors, etc. She knew side effects of chemo (more than just hair loss). It was not unchartered territory for us. The pregnancy/surrogacy/potential grandbabies gave my mom something to look forward to. And since their due date was not until June, she was able to go through her eight months of treatment and be back to 100% in time for the twins to make their debut!
So, believe it or not, I think I have eased up (a little) on my control issues. Who cares what month my babies were born in? Really? They are 100% healthy and that is all that matters. Plus, since they were born on May 10th, I have decided that a Cinco de Mayo themed, Mexican fiesta would be perfect for their first birthday!!! Everything happens the way, and when, it's supposed to. :)
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